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____ Wednesday March 23, 2016 ____

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20 quotes by famous people if they had worked in nonprofit

Hi everyone, I am back in the US after a rough 24-hour trip with a two-year-old that ended with us at US Customs declaring that we had brought back several packages of vegan deer jerky made from soy protein. “I have never heard anyone declaring that before,” said the officer, “did you try it before you bought it?” Of course we did, I said, disheveled and slightly offended. Everyone knows that only a fool would buy twenty bags of vegan deer jerky without trying some samples!

We are now all completely jetlagged, thanks to the baby, who does not care to get back to regular schedule. He wakes up at 3am with this soft, almost creepy whisper of “I’m hungry?” I’ve had about eight hours of sleep total over the last three days and have started hallucinating a little (“Yes, Your Holiness, I would love some easel paper…”)

All of that is to say I have no mental capacity to do a serious post today. Instead, here are some quotes I imagined from famous people if they worked in nonprofit. Add your suggestions to the comment section:

20 quotes from famous people if they had worked in nonprofit

“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy attending meetings.” John Lennon

“You miss 100% of the grants you don’t write.” Wayne Gretzky

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you still have to file your 990 each year.” Henry Ford

“The two most important days if your life are the day you are born…and the day you find out why having multiple screens for your computer is so awesome because now reports and grants are like a billion times easier!” Mark Twain

“The only thing we have to fear…is audiovisual glitches at our annual event.” Franklin Roosevelt

“Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist while still achieving milestones and outcomes as required by certain funders and policy-makers.” Picasso

“Remember, no one can make you feel inferior without being related to you and repeatedly questioning why you’re in nonprofit.” Eleanor Roosevelt

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 foundations and individual donors whose priorities don’t align with my organization’s.” Thomas A. Edison

“Better to remain silent and thought a fool, than to speak out and confirm that you didn’t do the assigned readings before the strategic planning retreat.” Abraham Lincoln

“When life itself seems lunatic, who knows where madness lies? To surrender dreams, this may be madness…Too much sanity may be madness! But maddest of all is to micromanage your staff instead of jointly setting goals, providing support, and trusting people to do their jobs.” Don Quijote

“When you gaze long into the Abyss of Sustainability, the Abyss of Sustainability also gazes into you.” Friedrich Nietzsche

“The successful warrior is the average man, with laser-like focus and a chair that’s not obtained from Craigslist that keeps poking into his back.” Bruce Lee

“Some minds are like special parachutes. They only function when they’re opened by a consultant.” Sir James Dewar

“It’s easier to ask forgiveness than it is to get permission from the liquor license board for your event.” Grace Hopper

“Don’t judge each day by the number of emails you clear from your inbox, but by the number of your own emails you prevent from clogging up other people’s inboxes.” Robert Louis Stevenson

“Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck. Unless it’s a grant that would totally keep services going for thousands of low-income clients…” Dalai Lama

“If you’re offered a seat on a rocket ship, don’t ask about sustainability and admin costs. Just get on!” Sheryl SandbergMacbeth_Act_5_sc_i_001

“Out, damned hummus stain! Out, I say!” Lady MacBeth

“Coming together is a beginning. Keeping together is progress. Working together is success. Not killing each other while planning an annual event is a miracle.” Henry Ford

“If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell shouldn’t schedule a meeting with me before 10am.” Marilyn Monroe

Source Nonprofit with Balls

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